Napoleon’s Chicken

Napoleon worked hard, Napoleon worked late. His mother didn’t say, “Diner is at six: be dressed with your face and hands washed.” Napoleon wasn’t told by the chef when to be ready for the chef’s masterpiece. Dinner wasn’t for the chef, or for Napoleon’s mother; dinner was for Napoleon! whenever he was ready to eat: 6 PM, midnight … 3 AM.

When Napoleon was ready to eat, the chef had to have dinner ready: and the dinner damn well better be terrific: yes, at 3 AM, without warning.

Napoleon didn’t say, at 3 AM, “OK, I’m ready to eat now.” The chef didn’t say, “Oh, OK, I’ll get up, wash my parts, defrost the pullet, wake the scullion to light the stove …” No. The chef said, “Yes, Emperor”: and within minutes produced a magnificent pullet, perfectly roasted, with all the trimmings. Neither had the rest of the staff had to be roused from bed. A full crew had to have a perfect pullet, and meal, ready at 6 PM, and at 6:10 PM, and at 6:45 PM, and at 11 PM, and at 2:30 AM …

How many pullets went into the dumpster? It didn’t matter to Napoleon. Dinner could have been ready at 6 PM for a couple francs, hardly more than his mother would have had to budget: plus extra francs for the dozen different perfect wines, pastries, creams … Perfect dinners ready every “five” minutes were anything but economical. But what did Napoleon care about economy? Did Reagan volunteer to live in a log cabin while he talked about demolishing government? No, he preached anarchism from a series of ever-grander palaces, all paid for by Jane and Joe Public.

Damn right. Napoleon didn’t have to be ready when dinner was ready; dinner had to be ready when Napoleon was ready. If Reagan, or Nixon, or Obama called for a missile, the silo didn’t answer, “Oh, OK, Sir. We’ll launch that missile Wednesday at 10:30 PM: that’s when all the ops techs will be back from Las Vegas.”

I’m talking about human schedules, secular budgets, priorities of kleptocracies, of course. But why should theology, or cosmology, be different?

If God is determined to save the Jews, and enslave everyone else for the Jews, no matter how the Jews disrespect God, no matter how the Jews disobey God, shouldn’t God have a perfect Moses ready every five minutes until the Jews are ready to be saved? After all, the Jews say the universe is really for God, but isn’t it clear that what they really mean is that God is for the Jews?

Never mind the Jews, the hell with the Jews. Think of us Christians? God sends a Christ to save us. Our sacred institutions and our secular institutions, our ruling kleptocracies, get together for a change, cooperate, in breaking the law, lying under oath, in order to sabotage Christ. Christ dies, God forgives us.

But then, five minutes later, we sabotage Peter, and Paul. and ten minutes later we sabotage Abelard, and Francis … and Galileo … and Thomas More, and Darwin … Doesn’t God have to have a perfect Jesus ready for us? every other second? so that he can save us, when ever we’re ready? No matter how many Moseses, and Jesuses, and Luthers and Illiches, and pks gotten sabotaged along the way.

Compassion, see? The world is for the kleptocrats, to be saved at their convenience. Not for the Philistines, not for the Canaanites; not for the Celts, the Gauls, the natives … Not for Sutter, not for pk … not for the white men stolen from. No: infinite mercy is due the thieves, the liars, the suborners, the law breakers.

About pk

Seems to me that some modicum of honesty is requisite to intelligence. If we look in the mirror and see not kleptocrats but Christians, we’re still in the same old trouble.
This entry was posted in cosmo, pk Teaching, social epistemology, social survival, waste. Bookmark the permalink.

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