Recreating (and advancing) pk’s censored domains: Macroinformation.org &
Knatz.com / Personal / Writing / Satire /
My many “Nixon letters” have long been a favorite part of my life’s opus but till today I’ve somehow mounted here only two: two favorites, but only two. Today I add a far less favorite, compelled by the fact that my phrase “coastal governments” has been echoing in my head.
1970 March 17
Dear President Nixon:
Yesterday’s N. Y. Times had a front page article on the plight of South American Indians whose immemorial territories are being invaded by the coastal governments. It gave me a marvelous idea. One of the most romantic aspects of our history was the running of guns to our Indians, right? The trouble was that they didn’t get enough of them soon enough to make it an interesting fight. We could help remedy an historical imbalance if we do a better job for the Indians in South America, one in keeping with modern technology.
I realize that gun-running has been proving an embarrassment for us in other parts of the world, which brings me to the second part of my great idea. Since you and our government, in the best tradition of 19th-century liberalism, are a tool of private corporations competing for the exclusion of all others at lowest bid, we could do those traditions proud if you would sell our nuclear surpluses to the lowest bidder. I could then sell them at cost-plus to the South American Indians.
Note that my asking the White House for money for suggesting a litany of treasons, crimes, infamies was standard in my arsenal of indignant insults. Additional injury is added when I request that the check be certified!
I admit that the same insults are earned by any kleptocracy; but none but perhaps Hitler’s Reich have been as destructive as ours: or preposterous in its postures.
Yes, I signed the letter and included my correct surname. It was not anonymous hate mail.