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I Couldn’t Have: Because I Wouldn’t Have
Homeostasis of Eidetic Innocence
2006 06 06
I write so much: I’d have sworn I’d have written one of the definitive horror stories from my youth at K.: but now I’m finding no such reference: I know I’ve told it: I must have written it among my id files, my pre-home page journal.
The woman did her shopping, drove home: shut the garage doors, popped the trunk, carried her groceries into the house … And so forth. She’d done all that many times before. But something didn’t feel right, something was nagging her, but it was just beyond reach.
Finally she retraced her steps to the garage. There it was: a teeny sound: a cat mewing? a cat whimpering?
It seemed to be coming from under the car. She got down on her hands and knees … What remained of the boy, with bits of his mangled bicycle, was tangled in the undercarriage of her car.
The boy was too weak to be screaming loudly: anymore. The woman was near hysterics: but she called the police, the police called an ambulance for the boy … also checked over the woman.
Horrible, horrible, horrible experience. But: we live in an age when any of us operate machines we can’t possibly be responsible for the misconduct of: Hitler with his Luftwaffe, his Blitzkrieg … ANY human behind the wheel of a car …
I tell the story not for its horror, but for the lesson inextricably mixed with it: obviously the woman had run the kid over, not known it, dragged his body … She couldn’t deny that that’s what she must have done; but at the same time, she DID deny it.
I couldn’t have done that
Because I wouldn’t have done that!
As though we were in control of our behavior! Well: sometimes, part of it … sure we are.
Homeostasis is an example of a law of nature, a regularity of the universe, that ahem conscious man will never digest. We couldn’t do that because we wouldn’t do that. We wouldn’t crucify Jesus; bad people did that.
And the gods … and devils … and demons … and Platonic principles can sit in heaven, and look at us, and laugh and laugh.
2012 11 26 Gosh, a ghastly related story: Drunk California woman hits pedestrian, drives 2 miles with dying man stuck in windshield.