Wild Fish, Collectives

Recreating (and advancing) pk’s censored domains: Macroinformation.org &
Knatz.com / Personal / Writing / Letters /

First of today’s [2002] emails to my son:
(I’m hoping this can stand independently: enough of the context should be common to all. But in fact the context is a specific document: one you should all read: but the document in question isn’t mine. It’s bk’s. It relates to stuff he’s now sharing at BlackCrayon.com.

Individualist vs. Collective
Dream / Wake
Morning Thoughts

I cannot overstate how precious my last stage of sleep is for thinking. Some elements of consciousness mix with some elements of dream. My multiprocessing works without inhibition; my multiprocessing is of course also not reliable. I can think two, three things at once; but I can’t trust the thinking. (compare the proverb about thinking things twice: sober and drunk)

But, if I can grasp say two of the things and hold onto them as I wake and drink some coffee — like catching a fish with your bare hands (the fish has to cooperate) [or first be shocked somehow] — then I can maybe tame the thought, domesticate it.

Now the domesticated beast is never the same. No fisherman wants to catch tame fish. But still: those are the thoughts you can maybe develop, maybe communicate to others. Or at least try.

I really look forward to the part of Judgment Day where god helps us to establish points we tried to communicate and the group has to hold still and admit to their machinations to stop you.

Well, one of the “pairs” of wild fish that were displaying for me as “I” emerged from dreams a few minutes ago, concerns a clarity that emerged from your reply to billy mac yesterday. I saw a duality, a non-cooperative, with a new clarity:

Individualist vs. Collective

No wonder these issues (community, anarchy …) are so confusing: we’re under a perpetual barrage of collectivist pressures (in conflict with the raging, omnivorous id): Omerta one day, Confession the next … No wonder we confess to killing god one hour a week and spend the other 167 hours denying it [while we continue to flay the corpse].

If you’re following me, we stand at the edge of territory not explored even by Freud: not very well. The society, exploiting our confusion that [society = species] hovers near by, ready to reward and punish, to distribute resources or to withhold them.

Institutions all cooperate or they would have no budget. (Only pk: who has always not had a budget (apart from a Hilary or a Catherine) (2014 03 12 and now Jan!) keeps punching at the infinite flab of the society’s belly) The Church acts as though god can be discussed there: wrong: only God can be discussed there: God there having a voluminous series of semantic tags voluminously attached). The university pretends that “truth” may be pursued there: ha, only certain topics, narrowly approached. But the institution takes ALL of the budget for education, defense … but will spend only on part of the education, defense … Society and monopoly go together.

The judge, surrounded by the might of the collective, guns and jails and nukes behind him, demands that you swear to tell the truth. Are you kidding? Against a wall of united, remorseless liars?

Question: what percentage of possible facts will be tolerated by the society? Reality tolerates all truth. There’s this meson and that quark presumably whether we theorize or name them or not.

Side clarification: my default habits are Protestant Christian. Your calling me a Taoist is probably the least inaccurate label. But if I’m a Taoist, I’m still a Taoist with a fondness for Hindu metaphors: like Vishnu here and Shiva there, or like God betting with Satan as in Job. Existence is a opportunity for transcendent entities to wager on outcomes: and we, the experimental mice, have no idea what the bet really is or who made it. Like the psychology test where the test taker assumes one thing is being tested while actually it’s quite another.

Hss looks to be judged by his immediate neighbors: who do judge him, constantly: is he ONE OF US? No? Shun him. Fine: so long as there’s some truth somewhere.

What? No truth? Or rather, sort of like Nun Pema implies, truth yes, but awareness of it? Rational consensus about it? Sorry, kid, you die alone. Face it, and celebrate anyway. Ah, absurdity, ah Sartre.

Side thought: Jared Diamond is the first credentialed modern to talk bluntly about kleptocracy, inventing the word: right? Just thought: almost as blunt, the American English scholar Leslie Fiedler: talks directly about “America” as the band of brothers stealing Eden back from God, killing Cain to get it. The “West” moving ever further westward: toward the setting Sun and Death. Calling ourselves virgins by bleaching our hair the while.

Well, at the outset here, dozens of minutes ago, I was so confident that I was going to do it this time, dive straight into the heart of the matter. Individual vs. Collective. Why the Marxists think they’re radiantly moral to want to kill the Capitalists, bury them in lime, why the HaveNots always think they’d Have much better and more justly than the present Haves., why the Jehovah’s Witnesses are forever having to revise their estimates of the population of heaven upwards as their numbers increase (why even Hagbard Celine thinks that Everyone can be Saved). And every time I try to start over, it’s again a shallow dive. Don’t look where I wind up: look where I was aiming. The depths are full of distortions and refractions. The depths repel by unbelievable pressures. But they’re there. Can you see them? My wild fish?

Dreams are wonderful things, because they’re a different way of thinking.
Walter Mosley

Now I’ve gone and had breakfast, squeezed Catherine, washed my face. And have not one ounce of energy or ambition to get back to this.

I’ll add one thing though: on how rapidly and completely the group institutionalizes dishonesty: how social reality is a consensus of lies: go along, or else. (Note: different “reality” from above.) You were remarking the other day about how kleptocracy is maintained by the idealists more than by the soldiers. We’re lynching the n- to protect our wives and children, we’re lying under oath to save lives, to serve God …
[Bowdlerizing K., 2016 08 02 To me a syncopated word is even more offensive than the straight vulgar term.]
Funny how serving God always turns out to mean lining one’s own pockets. (even if you took vows of poverty or work on a “fixed income,” your sister, some colleague … doesn’t). I’m saying this all wrong too: maybe you follow anyway.

In 1969 Anton was at U Wisc-Madison and the state sent some lifers to answer questions about Vietnam. The feds treated the UW faculty and grad student body as children in school: under their authority! The prof. asks a question, the lifer fudges it, the prof. objects, the lifer says, “I’ve answered your question. I’m finished with you.” In effect, “Now sit down and shut up.” (And the group didn’t stone the lifer!) [Doctors! Professors, after all! At least ABDs or Masters!]

My PhD committee didn’t stone the professor interrupting me, subverting everything I said. They were united: protecting the institution from intelligent inquiry.

Well, of course Anton: it’s a state school. But the same was happening at Columbia, all over the Ivy League, at “all” private institutions. At Colby we stood or we sat and watched federal lies control … everything: the newspaper, what we could say and still eat. Every liberal was fired that year. The college paper said, Hey, wait a minute. The College said, Mind your own business: our purge wasn’t political. And the school paper shut up and sat back down. Well of course if you go to Alabama and say Did you lynch that n-, the Klan will say, No, of course we didn’t lynch no n-. We was just holdin’ our rope and the stupid n- fell off his horse and got his haid all tangled up in our rope. And you’re supposed to say, Well then, it just serves the stupid n- right.

A generation later, we’ll admit to this or that truth, teach it in school: so long as we don’t have to pay any damages.

But the deepest repressions never get addressed.

Search the internet and you’ll find most of the articles about Abelard are by RC priests! They cut his balls off then and a millennium later they still monopolize the conversation! Bad philosophy, bad theology preventing philosophy, theology from getting discussed. If Pierre could come back today, could he get a more fair hearing? I doubt it. I couldn’t even mention his name without getting shunned.

Then there’s also the question of what’s “deliberate”: do the lynchers know “why” they’re lynching? The genocides, the repressors? Sure: it’s to serve God. To save the majority.

Now I’m deflecting from the target into dives even shallower.

Tiger got mauled by the weather at the British Open, but just before, at the US Open, it was amazing. He was playing conservatively, very boring: but no mistakes: par golf. And at the same time: all the rest of the field also played conservatively: the one strategy by which they could not win. Those who tried to attack fell back disastrously. Tiger exerted a repellant force on thirty other golfers: pros, champions: don’t come near me. And they didn’t! I’m not talking about a force in physics. Like the martial artist with his chi. The other martial artists can’t lift him. A derrick could lift him, but not others in the same belief system.

Physics is only one thing that’s true. Psychology is more immediately true, more germane for hss.

Psychology is the study of the secrets a person keeps from himself.
Leo Marks

Oh: now I remember one of my originally intended tacks:
Individual, collective: neither 100% true. None of us are individuals: we have a mother. The mother had to be fertilized. None of us are entirely social. Or we may be at high tide, but not at low tide.

If we all fell into a black hole, some molecules would retain their integrity longer than others before everything homogenized into protons and neutrons practically touching each other. Under threat or torture, some will break in two seconds, some in three. Some won’t break under the worst torture the torturer can give. Others tell their secrets before they’re even asked. The physical universe has its integrities, Persona has others: but it will all break down in the long run. But we’re not Persona by that time: we’re Pleroma: matter.

So: I try to dive into the midst of the issue of individual vs. collective. And the society, far better than Tiger Woods, repels my attempts. And they don’t even know they’re doing it. The majority are the true Zen Master. I fall off my bicycle all by myself. They never even came near me. Wow. What bushido.

Ah: I again have to add: here’s a pair, a cooperative: a non-duality:

Society / State

Ah: and another: the Marxists imagine they’re so moral. An alien might find them indistinguishable from a Republican: because they both think it’s all for them: god didn’t tell life to go forth and multiply; God told man to go forth and multiply. (god doesn’t have to “tell” life anything: life just goes and does it.) Only (social) man is so dull that he needs to be told, needs permission … Only civilized man needs it written down.

Here: I’ve blabbed this nominally to you but also of course to myself: trying as always to understand. I thought this time that I’d cc it to billy mac. Now I think maybe I’ll mount it among my posted emails at Knatz.com.

[2012 07 22 I had a joke here, a link, that I no longer understand, so I delete it.]

(billy mac responded: the praise part of which I post in the mail section of my biographical stuff.)

2002 11 24 Note: I started to write another semi-conscious dream narration today and realizied that a word applied I hadn’t used in this file: hypnopompic. I’ve long done a lot of hypnopompic dream/thinking.


2014 04 20 This day, Easter, wikipedia has links to a series of religions with rebirth rituals. One in particular grabs me: Bahá’í Faith. That’s one my Sunday School teacher should have introduced me to those sixty-five or so years ago!

Bahá'í Faith temple


About pk

Seems to me that some modicum of honesty is requisite to intelligence. If we look in the mirror and see not kleptocrats but Christians, we’re still in the same old trouble.
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