Trying to build from the rubble of the Conversion(s) section of Knatz.com (destroyed by censorship):
I launched my homepage in 1995. I’d mounted PKImaging.com, my online gallery and arts service, several years before that: now I’d add a personal presence. My design seemed do-able: take the chaos of events and select parts into a coherent story: with a past, a present, a conceivable future: a meaning, as though we were creatures who were at least part reason, part accountable, in part proceeding from free will …
European Christians build cathedrals, everyone pitched in, they pretended their culture was coherent, they pretended that Christianity was something they could claim a relation to. They hoped that God would forgive them, pretend to judge them innocent, turn a blind eye to what they actually were. But there was an ingredient that rarely factors in as planned: time.
Time can be its own sort of earthquake.
See? the towers don’t agree!
You start out building in Roman architecture; but before you’re half done your world has become gothic!
My design started simple: I was born, my culture pretended to be American, meaning free, and Christian, meaning right … I intended to teach, I understood what I was teaching … But then, just after he’d rehired me, the boss fired me from my college teaching job: the US was purging intellectuals from the universities, sabotaging dissidents, polluting discussion: so we could be coerced to bomb Asians while we preached about freedom.
The grad school I returned to was even worse than the grad school I’d left to teach in Maine. Communication had been uphill, difficult. I’d failed at it (and in no way was it my failure!) But now (1969, ’70) it was impossible.
Ah, but Ivan Illich showed us a way out! Use cybernetics to aid the public in creating and maintaining data bases! create an internet, in every community. No, not the fed; grassroots! the people themselves. Not coerced, offer the choice. I offered to be the guide! The design was Illich’s, inspired by Christ, but I’d give the tours. (We didn’t need personal computers, which hadn’t been invented yet: neighborhood terminals to mainframes could suffice.) Even good things need a bureaucrat, even anarchism can have a secretary, and a salesman.
But a great style, even screwed up, can be fabulous!
Perfect: the universities destroyed me; I’d destroy them! Replace them with freedom! Lever coercion over into the ditch. (People as they flail down into hell should realize that they were offered a choice, and they they ignored the choice: chose wrong! Talk about Christ but pay Tiberius.)
Now: Ivan Illich, the Church’s greatest and most famous priest, had already been kicked out before I ever heard of him! No, no: the Church was teaming up with the US to form one imperial culture-Mafia: Kennedy’s Alliance for Progress. Illich threw his body under its wheels. I joined him, became his disciple, after he’d been scuttled.
I didn’t join Jesus on the mount; I joined him on the cross!
In 1995 I wanted to narrate this (interpretation, biased interpretation, a story: a beginning, middle, and end mapped against chaos, an attempt to see pattern! significance) in terms to my conversion, under Bucky Fuller, to modern reason. (No, not the reason of Thomas Jefferson; the reason of science: of Bucky Fuller! and Gregory Bateson! and Ilya Prigogine! … [more links will be added])
So: in 1969 I lost the ability to support myself or my family by my profession. (Support? Even with me employed at a famous college, we barely had a crust!) In 1970 I offered a politically free, economcally cheap internet. The public said, Oh, that’s nice, Gimme: and watched me starve, through blind eyes. (When my ideas got plagiarized, did I get a royalty?) (Ivan Illich himself never knew the details of my plans, he was always busy with something else, a trustee in my institution with no time to listen.) (He attacked schools, I attacked schools: I attacked schools, he attacked doctors!) (Yes, one of the most evil of professions, but finish building the internet first!)
building, this is just part of the foundation
then I’ll adapt the previous structure on top of it: pk on reason, and how a modified Chrisitanity fits with it: or at least how I thought it did in 1970, and in 1995 …
However much I no longer agree with any of it, not even my Illichian, Tolstoyan anarchist Christianity …
(Now I distinguish government from the state, and believe that the state will kill all of us before we so much as modify it.)