A decade or so ago I wrote with confidence that one or two readers actually understood me, didn’t freak at my semiotic epistemology, didn’t auger into the ground at my ironies or my sarcasms. That’s no longer true. Also, once upon a time I thought my writing improved with experience, with new learning: If my points were opaque to ordinary thinking in the 1960s, they’re the more opaque in 2015. But now I suspect I’m long in the tooth on every front. So the dangerous tricks I try become more dangerous. Some hebetudes reveal limited sentience; but many another are deliberate: self-preserving. It doesn’t matter how brilliantly the Jew writes if the Nazis who grade him remain devotedly hell-bound.
Ferinstnace, I need to review everything at K. where I employ slurs to try to shame the racists, the bigots, the illiberals. When I write “greaser” I’m not insulting Italian immigrants, I’m insulting the racists who call them greasers. Just above: I’m not insulting the Jews, I’m insulting the fascists, and the antisemites.
In general I am against prejudice and for tolerance. I promote diversity. But in an area such as sexual orientation we’re not dealing with prejudice so much as we are contesting survival strategies. Favoring procreation over sterility is not prejudice, or is not illiberal prejudice. So: I say “faggot. I don’t mean it as approval.
But there’s a difference between being uncombortable in the presence of overt homosexuals and rounding up the queers and gassing them in concentration camps.
I’m against the murderers and for the victims.
I’ll stick this note wherever I suspect it might help: in the face of my despair that anything could help.